The room was entirely still (besides me). My fiancé next to me, a sleeping lamb. On the nightstand by my head, an Aino Aalto tumbler of water waited to be chugged when randomly needed between the hours 3 A.M.—5:30 A.M. I had been tossing and turning for maybe an hour. Not even the bubbly turrrrrrr of the humidifier in the room’s corner could lull me into a soporific trance as it usually does. Here in Southern California the dryness of the air is noticed by anyone who grew up in swamp-ass territory. The reservoirs in this state aren’t capable of balancing our water supply between the ever-changing periods of wetness and perpetual drought. The lack of moisture in the air can make you feel stuffy/sick and tired when you’re not, and it’s also why I use a humidifier at night—so even in my sleep, I am using water.
My eyes were tired with a gentle sting and stayed shut, but my brain, who lives right upstairs, was stomping around in heavy workbooks, assembling furniture, using a drill, etc. It was actually very quiet and already past midnight. Instead of a bombardment of anxious thoughts like the ones… (well I’m sure you’re familiar with), I was working my way through a rolodex of affirmations that seemingly came to me. The most cohesive among them was:
I WILL FIND ALL THE ENERGY I NEED THROUGH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT AN ABUNDANCE OF LOVE EXISTS FOR ME
I just couldn’t shut down because I wanted to linger on that phrase^^^ and save it for the next day like a delicious leftover for my future self. But this idea was already inside me, so how could I possibly forget it? Or not listen to my own wisdom? You must know, this is all very new for me! This kind of whisper in the night that isn’t something devastating but rather affirming and helpful in the world of brain chemistry.